I have forever been what you might call a “church girl”.  (I’d say “church lady”, but for some of us, the image of Dana Carvey in a wingback chair would lurk in the corners of our minds throughout the rest of this post…). I was taken to church nursery as a baby.  I memorized Luke chapter 2 in kindergarten to recite with the rest of the kids for the Christmas program. I was saved and baptized in elementary school. I was on every team in youth group and in every ensemble in church choir.  I was called to ministry in high school and married a seminary-student-pastor-to-be at age 20. I know church. I was raised in church. I have worked in churches. We have seen amazing, beautiful, and miraculous things in churches that have renewed our worship and work for the Lord.  And we’ve also witnessed tragedy, dysfunction, and fractures in churches that have broken our hearts and driven us to our knees.

But in this season of the Lord calling us to be part of starting a new church, I have been humbled and baffled.  I am accustomed to what the modern church looks like. But...What should the church look like?  The important question in this season of life for me has been one that, sadly, has not crossed my mind too much until the last few years - what did the early church look like? How did it operate? How did it resolve conflict, grow disciples to maturity, and manage the natural issues that occur within groups of sinful people? How did they give, self-govern, and live together in community?  Even through all of my years as a church kid, a Christian teenager and college student, and even a pastor’s wife - I couldn’t easily generate solid answers to any of these questions. These questions have sent me on an important and humbling journey through the book of Acts.  

Even as I sit to write these thoughts I’m pondering and truths that are working their way down into my heart, I’m struck deeply by the desire not to offend my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I choose to deny our enemy the victory he too often wins by inciting believers to throw stones at one another. I will not sit in judgment of my brothers and sisters. This is a post to share about me - what’s been wrong in my heart and mind and what the Lord is graciously teaching me about and training me in.  But I do have a request. What I ask is this - would those of you who are reading these words consider them? Would you take them in and sift through them in your spirit before the Lord in prayer? Would you be willing to reevaluate your old thought patterns and the ingrained traditions of men that may not be fully Biblical, as the Lord has led me to do?  I believe deep in my spirit that the Lord is doing a new work in His people in these days. I see a holy discontent and a willingness to rethink, disassemble old ways, and begin again. I know this is the work the Lord has done in me, in my family, and in our new church. Our flesh resists. Change is hard. Admitting we’ve been wrong is hard. But you know as well as I do, brothers and sisters, that the discipline and instruction of the Lord is not death; it is LIFE.  

As I have read through Acts, there are truly amazing things to be witnessed; these are the works of a great God among common people.  I see the Holy Spirit coming on believers in power, enabling them to do things they could never do naturally - not to make a show of themselves, but to be mouthpieces that speak the truth of the gospel to those who would not have been able to understand otherwise (Acts 2). I see, later in Acts chapter 2, a group of people described in this way: “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and signs were being performed through the apostles. Now all the believers were together and held all things in common.”  How beautiful and simple is that description of the church? How supernatural, not only in the signs and wonders being performed, but in the way they related to and cared for one another? Lame are made to walk (Acts 3), sick are healed (Acts 5), those possessed are set free (Acts 5), and even Jewish priests are coming to faith in Jesus (Acts 6)!

At the same time, I see the culture these Christians lived in raging against them - “breathing threats and murder” (Acts 9:1).  I see imprisonment (Acts 4). I see martyrdom (Acts 6). I see mockeries of justice (Acts 4,5,6, etc). But, do you know how Acts describes what was happening in the spiritual world while all of this was occurring in the natural world?  Acts 4:33 says, “With great power the apostles were giving testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was on all of them.”  Acts 5:14 says, “Believers were added to the Lord in increasing numbers - multitudes of both men and women.”  Stephen is stoned. Saul gains power, rounding up Christians to herd off to prison (or worse) and still, Acts 8:4 and 8 say, “So those who were scattered (because of the great persecution) went on their way preaching the word...and there was great joy…”. Finally, in Acts 9, the definitive statement about the early church in the midst of unbelievable hardship: “So the church throughout all Judea, Galilee, and Samaria had peace and was strengthened.  Living in the fear of the Lord and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it increased in numbers.”  

As I have immersed my heart and mind in these early days of the church, the contrast between their world and ours has become stark indeed.  And don’t think I’m simply talking about situational differences. Of course the ancient world they lived in differed from our modern one in countless ways.  But the church was drastically different. I don’t see sects and warring denominations. I don’t see boycotts based on offense and attempts to incite outrage over the injustice against them.  I see a people unconcerned with their rights and uninterested in forcing some semblance of godliness on the lost world around them. I see a people who knew the world was lost. I see people who did not waste their days trying to get lost people to act right.  I see people with faces fixed like flint on one thing - the gospel of Jesus. I see people unconcerned with what their faith might cost them. I see people living for one thing only - for the glory of His name.

Can I get brutally honest with you?  I’ve spent too many days angry. I’ve wasted too much time trying to force principles rooted in Christian beliefs on a lost culture instead of surrendering my life to being used to usher in the beautiful grace of the gospel into people’s lives.  I’ve had enough of trying to win arguments instead of hearts. I’ve had enough behavior modification - in myself and in others. I am not talking about you, friend. I am talking about ME.

This thing called church has always been a grassroots movement.  It’s always been needy, desperate, miraculously saved people trying to get the gospel to as many other needy and desperate people as they can before their time on earth is through.  We will, someday, live in a world of perfect justice that perfectly reflects the infallible heart of our God. IT WILL NOT BE IN THIS WORLD. We cannot get America (or any other country for that matter) to resemble heaven in its morality, its justice, its leadership, or its aims.  And, to be very frank, we are never called to.

I also cannot get the American church to look like the church in Acts.  And I’m not called to. What a beautiful truth.  I am responsible for my heart, my days, my priorities, my surrender, and my obedience to the Lord.  I love you, brothers and sisters. May we never cease to be the fragrance of Christ in this world (2 Cor. 2:15)  I will not cease to love and pray for you - until we all gather in that finally-perfect place. “Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us - to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.  Amen.” (Eph. 3:20-21)

Anne Mullins