Through the Haze *GUEST POST*

You know those mornings when you go outside expecting it to be bright and clear, but instead it’s foggy and you can’t see more than a few feet in front of you? The fog is usually surprising; it catches you off guard. It’s unexpected arrival can also bring anxiety. We like to be able to see what’s going on and what we’re getting into. That’s the thing about fog - you have to trust the path or road you’re on and also stay more alert than you normally would. When you can’t see more than a few feet in front of you, you have to stay on your toes so you can respond quickly to whatever comes your way. That’s not a comfortable place to be.
I am the kind of person that likes to know what’s coming. I like to be aware of what’s going to happen. I’m not much of a planner but I like to have an idea of what’s ahead. A few years ago I started developing a few symptoms that weren’t terrible but were making each day a bit more difficult to get through. One of my main complaints was brain fog. None of my doctors could figure out what was causing my varying symptoms; they just wanted to medicate. I didn’t want to do that. As time went on, my current symptoms intensified and new symptoms joined the party. I was able to function, but that was about it. Fast forward to February of this year - a friend sent me info on a natural doctor who would listen. Through her, I was able to start recovering simply by feeding my body what it needs to heal. But there’s still one symptom that’s lingering - brain fog. I don’t know the reason why it’s hanging on, but I do know that God is teaching me some pretty cool things through it.

Let’s get back to the fog. Imagine that day when you walked outside and we’re surprised by its presence. Now think of that same fog in your mind instead of outside. Everything you do or think is blurred. Decisions take much more time and effort to make. Conversations are usually one sided, as you are busy thinking of words rather than saying words. Reading takes 4 times as long because you’re reading and re-reading every single line. Praying takes extreme focus. Not focus on what you’re praying necessarily, but focus on keeping out all of the things that try to invade our minds during prayer. Those are just some of the battles.

But God.

God has been shifting my perspective. You know, all God really wants from us is an intimate relationship with Him and for us to live in dependence on Him. We can’t do any of what He calls us to do without first having a vital relationship with Him. But we, the dumb sheep we are, like to try to make things happen on our own and in our timing. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. We are messy, imperfect people and we make mistakes. Through this fog, it has become even more evident that I can’t do this thing called life on my own. I had grown much too dependent on my own strength and ability. Disappointment, isolation, and anxiety set in and I started trying to figure things out on my own. But I can’t.  And neither can you.  Just look at 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

So when we feel a fog setting in - whether it’s physical illness, mental confusion, disappointment, loneliness, or one of the myriad of other hard things that we all experience in life, let’s lean in. Lean into His strength. Lean into His ability. Lean into His grace. Lean into His love and compassion. Lean into His will for you. Maybe your current walk doesn’t look as you’d imagine or like everyone else’s, but it’s not supposed to. It is yours and is exactly what it is supposed to be.

Devan Wilbanks